Growing up, at the end of each school year my classmates and I would be ushered into the cafeteria (elementary school) or the auditorium (middle and high school) for an annual awards ceremony. The principal handed out paper certificates for things like academic success, community service, athletic accomplishments, and the like.
And, of course, the perfect attendance award, which as we got older was viewed as something the smarty-pants nerds usually got. It wasn’t exactly coveted by most people, and although I was squarely part of the nerd herd, I never got the award (to the best of my recollection).
But I do remember trying for it, and being disappointed with myself whenever I inevitably got a cold or flu or stomach virus that kept me home for a day or two.
I assume I got this drive from my parents, who weren’t likely to stay in bed when they were sick or injured. Like many people in America, they pushed themselves to work, do, and produce, whether at home or in the office. My Mom is still like this today, well into her 70s. Don’t get me started about her current leg injury and resistance to rest!
That ethos stuck with me as an adult, and I can remember myself going to work and meetings when sick because I thought the work I was doing was so important that it trumped my own health. I also feared falling behind or otherwise being unhelpful.
I remember having strep throat and pushing myself to go and give a speech to a group of DC summer interns when I was leading LGBTQ work at the Center for American Progress. I didn’t want to disappoint them. Another time when I was running the Human Rights Campaign Foundation, I had a horrible case of food poisoning, yet dragged myself to a meeting with local HIV activists in New York City who were upset with the work we were doing (or, more accurately, not doing on HIV and AIDS. I still remember the taxi ride to that meeting, and the memory makes my head spin. Again, I didn’t want to disappoint and I thought the work–more specifically, my role in the work–was essential.
I recognize now the selfishness in doing these things, whether because I might expose people to whatever bug I had or because I wouldn’t be at my best and ironically not be able to contribute what I thought I could or needed to do. I was also signaling to my coworkers–including people who reported to me–that we should ignore our physical health and just push through an illness in order to keep working.
Contrary to what I thought at the time, I was not being a great leader.
This is all on my mind as I recover from Covid, and celebrate the fact that I let myself rest while doing so–including canceling a slew of meetings and social engagements for a few days. The meetings were all virtual–technically I could do them safely, but I felt awful and knew I wouldn’t be at my best. So I canceled and otherwise rescheduled them. It felt good to take care of myself in this way, and I am grateful that my colleagues and clients all showed up with grace and understanding.
(But I am who I am, so my partners at times had to remind me I needed to rest, especially toward the end of my illness when I was champing at the bit to get back to running. I recognize I can be a difficult patient!)
I also recognize that I am lucky to be able to take time off from work, because I do consulting and coaching work through my own LLC. I don’t have to worry about accessing or exhausting sick days, or asking an employer for “permission” to take care of my health.
Many workers in America aren’t in this position, either because of the “work-at-all-costs” ethos I mentioned above, or because their employer doesn’t offer paid sick leave. There is no federal law mandating paid time off–which is not the case in most other countries–and jobs in the leisure and hospitality industries in the USA are especially notorious for lacking these types of benefits.
This bout with Covid and some time to reflect have made me grateful for what I have, and also very aware of the pressures many of us face to keep working, even when ill. I can’t single-handedly change the law (I’m not emperor, yet), but I can do more to lead by example.
In my mind, that’s a key part of doing the work to make this world a better place. Every little bit helps, especially as the national scene keeps our heads spinning and hearts jumping.
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