Starting, Fixing, Running: Some Context and Background

Last month I wrote about a useful way to help evaluate why we feel the way we do about certain jobs–or even parts of certain jobs. This month I’m taking a deeper dive into this idea, providing some background and context for why this works for me the way that it does. 

In “Start, Fix, or, Run: Knowing When You’re at Your Best (and Happiest),” I explained how I came to understand why I felt so good about some of my jobs and not-so-good about others. 

This rubric helped me evaluate future job decisions, including the decision to move from working inside organizations as a member of staff to working outside as a consultant and coach. 

I basically realized that I’m far more interested in and excited about either starting new projects and organizations or helping those that already exist but are growing or experiencing change. I have much less interest in running something that is already established, steady in terms of size, or otherwise operating smoothly. 

As someone who has regularly had a therapist and mindfulness practice, this realization wasn’t a shock for me. It was in line with all the things I’d learned about myself over the years. 

Provincetown Habor and beach in the fog.

It mostly comes down to growing up gay in a time and place that was not welcoming. To stay safe, I had to hide who I was and monitor much of my language and behavior. I became very good at gaming out how my peers or family members might react to things I might say, do, or even wear. If I ever experienced bullying at school–or stumbled into a conversation where I thought someone might find out I was gay–I’d (over)analyze what might have caused that to happen, and think about how I could change my own behavior and language to minimize the chance that it happened again. 

In short, I became very good at planning, as well as anticipating problems and learning how to quickly recover from them if they couldn’t be avoided. 

These tendencies showed up in all facets of my life, including work. I could sketch out a plan and be confident that it minimized risks and had a high chance of succeeding. These are useful skills if you’re starting a new project or organization, or helping one that is growing or somehow changing or struggling. 

But, with apologies to Mae West, too much of a good thing can be quite bad.

Taking the Harrison Assessment, a tool that helps people understand their strengths and weaknesses in the workplace, as part of my coach training a few years ago helped me to see why what served me well could also end up backfiring. The results of my assessment showed that I could be overly pessimistic and so cautious that I could miss good opportunities for growth and success. 

In other words, I was so busy looking and planning for problems, I was sometimes missing the bigger picture. This tendency could make me unnecessarily cautious and just generally be a downer.  

This was not a mindset that would always serve me–or my clients–well. I learned that it wasn’t enough to understand and use the “start/fix/run” rubric. I had to dig a little deeper and find out why I felt the way I did and make sure I was using it strategically and intentionally. 

Most of all, I had to be mindful to not let my past inform how I was navigating the present or making decisions about the future–whether for me or a client. 

Our pasts have a lot of rich information that can help us live differently–better–today and tomorrow. But we need to remember that sometimes our thoughts and decisions are based on old habits and fears, and not what is here and now. 

Fully understanding why we are who we are is the way we regain our power and increase our chance of living fully. 

(And, perhaps it goes without saying but no one should have to hide who they are in order to feel or be safe. I’m grateful to everyone who is working to make the world safer, in all the ways, for everyone.)