"Are you one of those coaches who’s just going to tell me I already have all the answers inside of me? Because I. Do. Not. Want. That.”
A prospective client once asked me that question during a get-to-know-you intake session. This person had a past coach who had him as the client doing all of the talking, which did not work for him. He was considering me as a coach, so we were having an initial intake session to get to know one another. He was hoping to avoid another coach mismatch, which I deeply appreciated.
One thing I’ve learned through coach training and in practice is that I’m not the coach for everyone and not everyone is the client for me. Making sure a client and I are aligned on our approach and purpose is essential if we’re both going to do our best work. Hence the intake session. This step can save both coach and client a lot of time, energy, and money (and in this specific situation, it gave me the chance to assure the prospective client that I wouldn’t passively stand by as he struggled to navigate the challenges he was facing).
As a coach, I make sure to talk to prospective clients at least once just to see if we have basic chemistry and rapport as a client and a coach. If we do, I then lead us through a longer conversation where the prospective client talks about their goals and outcomes for our work together, and more prosaic things like scheduling, timelines, and other logistics. We may have another call if we need more time to cover these topics or further assess our chemistry.
Assuming that the prospective client and I both want to move forward, I follow all this up with a written assignment about goals and other topics to help me get to know the client better–including prompting them to ask questions that they may have about coaching or me. If after these steps we’re both on board with the engagement, we’ll work on a contract and then get started with coaching.
Of course, there are as many approaches to coaching as there are coaches, so I’m not necessarily criticizing the coach of the prospective client I mentioned above. As long as coaches are operating within the bounds of the International Coaching Federation’s ethical guidelines and are listening to their clients’ feedback, then all is well.
In terms of my approach, I work to get my clients to think in new ways about problems, challenges, and their futures and to help them make changes that they know are important and needed. Ultimately, it comes down to helping them see greater potential and a more vibrant, expansive, and positive future. And although I certainly don’t take the “you have all the answers inside you already” approach, I do think there is something to be said about word economy, and giving the client as much as room as possible to think and talk and learn.
This approach means I need to know when to ask questions and direct the conversation toward the client’s goals and helping them change the way they think or what they consider to be possible. To know I’m succeeding at that, I listen for my client to say things like:
“That’s a great question”
“I’ve never thought of it like that.”
“Thinking of that question, I’m about to say something I’ve never said to anyone.”
Those types of verbal cues let me know I’m not dominating the conversation, and that I’m not being silent either. It’s a tricky balance, but it's the approach I’ve seen succeed in real time, which is really what the work is all about.
If you have thoughts or questions about any of this, send me a message so we can talk more, or drop a comment below.
Be well!
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